Vanessa & Xander Marin

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Normalizing Sex Talks with Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa & Xander Marin

Today's guests are Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new couple BFFs. The pair are co-hosts of the popular podcast Pillow Talks, where they cover juicy topics and share their real world relationship advice. They are the sex education you wish you had, with proven tips that have helped hundreds and thousands of couples create a sex life beyond their wildest dreams. 

In their new book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, they share how couples can have fun talking about sex while keeping the spark alive and stay emotionally connected throughout the whole process. Vanessa and Xander open up to their own experiences in their relationship and apply what they’ve learned to help couples at any stage in their intimacy journey.

We also cover…

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Show Notes

00:02:09 — Becoming a Sex Therapist

  • The very first sex talk…with the parents. 

  • Why is it so hard for us to talk about sex?

  • Sex therapy as a career

  • Making sex therapy as joyful as buying cookbooks

  • Internal beliefs that prevent couples from talking about sex 

  • De-shaming & normalizing sex talks 

00:11:30— Important Conversations For A Couple’s Sex Life

  • Taking the first step to initiate the conversation of sex

  • Why communication is the key to creating your dream sex life 

  • Simple, practical tips to maintain an emotional connection

  • Develop cheat codes that speak to each other’s love languages 

  • How to stop focusing on what’s wrong with the relationship

00:23:00 – Uncovering your Desires Inside & Outside of the Bedroom 

  • Finding new ways to initiate sex that feel like an invitation

  • Fun ways to spice up your long-term relationship

  • Change your delivery, change your energy

  • Family friendly initiation phrases for couples with kids 

  • The two main mismatched sex drive types

  • Removing the obligation of sex for your partner

  • Learning to gently turn your partner & find other ways to please one another

00:40:15 – Discovering Pleasure for Yourself & Your Partner

  • Why there’s no such thing as being universally good in bed

  • Fun exercises that bring you pleasure

  • Overcoming the narrow expectations around sex for men

  • The orgasm gap: what do women really need 

  • Using pleasure mapping to open lines of communication with positive feedback

  • Subtle changes to keep the spark alive in a relationship

  • Why all-or-nothing leads to negative results

  • Finding the joy in intimacy

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